You need to go through the manuscript one more time to look for . . .
Problem | What to do about it |
Flatness | More specific detail – what type of knife was it? But the detail needs to be relevant too; i.e. revealing of character. |
Imprecision | Use your eyes, ears, fingers, nose and tongue against the concrete. |
Overwriting | Watch out for a Bellow like list of adjectives. |
Pet words | Look out for those sickening repeats (moment, moment, moment). |
Character motive | Would she really say that? Why doesn't he simply call the police? |
Imbalance | Why do you show that and tell that? Mostly show. Show the key action. |
Dialogue 1 | Dialogue should have conflict – should have subtext ('You're looking nicely dressed today.') – should reveal character. |
Dialogue 2 | Should be abbreviated and truncated like real speech. |
Music | Hear the rhythm and flow of words. |
| Plot | Order of revelation of the story – does it hold the reader? Create tension by the reader wondering will it happen or not. |
| Authorial voice | Keep your nose out if you can bear to (I can’t). Or at least try to put it into the character. |
| Time | How do you pass the time? Do you skip the right things? Is it clear, is it clumsy? It doesn't have to be linear. |
| Place | Is the setting another boring pub? – does the setting reflect or affect the characters or the action. |
| Character | Is this someone the reader will want to spend hours to discover? – does the reader give a shit about what happens to him? |
| Emotional honesty | Does this cut deep? What are you avoiding? What should you really be writing about? |
| Tropes | Metaphor and metonym – are they fresh? Do they serve a purpose beyond the writer showing off? |
| Cliché | Give cliché a wide berth. Also stock phrases. |
| Elegant variation | But don’t travel too far the alternative route! |
| Readers’ rights | Don’t tell them what they already know or can guess. Don’t withhold information without good reason or for too long, especially in POV1. |
| The obvious | "Do you understand what he is saying to you?" (Buck Mulligan) You don’t have to spell it out straight away – make the buggers work. Jose Saramago – telling the reader things that are obviously untrue – a letter Richard Reis would never open. |
| Viewpoint | Would she really think of her own leg as shapely? |
Gesture | Should mean something, be unique to the setting or reveal character, not just taking another drag on a cigarette. |
| Passive constructions | Watch out for too much use of is/was – make the construction active. There were trees along the roadside - trees stood guard along the road. |
| Concreteness | According to John Braine, three categories of word: Freedom (bad), animal (fairly bad), dog (good), although labrador would be better. |
| Subplot | Don’t introduce minor characters and then forget them. Knead them back into the dough later as subplots that resolve before the main story. |
| Rules | Break any and all of the rules, so long as you know them. Anything goes, so long as it's deliberate. |
It’s like painting a wall. You can’t do it all in one coat and you can’t see the spots when the paint is wet. You need to go over it again and again.